Monday, December 27, 2010

A Call to Something Bigger

When I was a little girl growing up (mind you I grew up Roman Catholic), I wanted nothing more than to become a priest. I used to give mass to all of my stuffed animals. I can fondly remember carrying them outside to my backyard and setting up a place for all of them, then going through the steps and giving mass. On rainy days, I might be found doing this indoors since soggy stuffed animals would have made my mother unhappy. I knew mass so well that I could speak while our priest would speak in church and know just what he was going to say. To this day, I could probably still walk into a Catholic church and "go through the motions" with great fluidity. Anywho, girls can't become priests in the Catholic Church, so I thought I'd become a nun. That thought ran fleetingly away as I had discovered boys, almost within the same breath as wanting to become a nun.

For those who know me, it's not that I felt any type of calling to the religion in which I was raised, but, rather, a calling to something higher. In all honesty, I tried very hard to "fit in" to my religion, but my thoughts always strayed another way. That is a post for a different day though.

To get back to my point, I had never lost that feeling of wanting to be a priest. Now into my adulthood, I found myself being a mom. For those that aren't a mom or a parent, believe me, it's like being a priest/priestess. You are literally ministering to the needs of your children. You are a counselor, guide, healer and a great source of love and protection. Although I was a minister to my children's (and my own) needs, I still felt a call to do something more. I had also found my religious path, one that I had wrestled with when I was younger, and finally, as an adult, stopped wrestling and accepted who I was

During my last pregnancy, the call grew stronger. My husband asked why I don't become ordained. This actually scared me a bit. While to some that may seem strange, but to me it was almost a feeling of being overwhelmed. Ingrained in me is a worry of failure. What if I was no good? Well, I must be doing something right as my kids have all turned out pretty darn good. So in January 2010 it happened. I made a conscious decision to become a legally ordained Priestess. I realized that I can't be worried about failing as I'll never do anything if I keep that mindset.

So did I choose right? Yes, I know I did. A few months after becoming ordained, I had very vivid dreams of two specific rites that myself and another Priestess were performing - a Wiccaning and a Handfasting. Most recently I have felt myself being pulled to write a funeral/Summerlands Rite. All in all, my spiritual self has grown and this has helped me to raise up my children and know that I can continue to minister their needs, while I help others on their own paths.

Many Blessings to All!

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